I don’t really know how to put you in my head to showcase what I am thinking because even I don’t know what is going on in there. I live in a paradox of being smarter than I am perceived but not even close to as smart as I think I am.
My deal with K-Hill came together a week before the season started with a previous deal falling through last minute. I scrapped together what I could to compete and crossed my fingers that I would keep working my tail off to eventually be able to afford the end of the season.
I came into Atlanta with 1 day ever in a F1600 car. The mix of anxiety and depression that a troubled off season brought slowly dissipated after every lap turned. After each session we improved slowly, both team and myself learning more about each other and building a connection that can lead to winning results.
That’s just what we did, putting the car on pole and winning in race 1 one on debut. After a troubled last couple years it is easy to think that a great monkey got taken off my shoulders. Maybe it had, but I was left with an undeniable emptiness. No longer the mindset of a boy with a dream, but a man who has been dragged through the mud, seen those with daddy’s money rise and those I considered equals fall off the map, no longer mentioned and slowly becoming a fraction of themselves.
What keeps me together is the mindset of constant progress as a driver and a man. We would have another two races on the weekend (F1600 has triple headers). A P2 finish in race 2 gave me even more confidence than race 1. Motorsports is a team sport, not a driver sport, and on top of that I don’t mean team as in teamwork. Racing you will come to learn is a product of being in a team that has what it takes to win a puts all its effort in doing so. With two strong results in my debut I knew that my relationship with K-Hill was one that was only hindered by a driver. It is the perfect situation for any driver, no excuses. It does however take any heroics truthfully out of the picture but we are here to win, not to have ego contest. In detail, any good result is due to being in fantastic equipment, and failure to be competitive it down to the driver, simple.
Race 3, last lap. Passing for the win, and giving to much faith in a competitor would lead to an abrupt turn. From a sure win, to destroying a car.
So here I am, shrouded by silence writing this. All that keeps me company is that crash bill. I honestly don’t know what comes next or how I am going to pay for it. What I do know is life is gonna have to punch a lot harder than that to keep me down. Road Atlanta will not be a won and done for me. I will put something together, and I will see you guys at Watkins Glen for the second round of the championship, come hell or high water.